Woman don’t owe you pretty - inspiration blog

Woman don’t owe you pretty is a book written by Florence Given. It speaks on topics such as Patriarchy, feminism and racism. I recently started reading this book and it spoke to me a lot! One of the chapters that stood out to me was “you are the love of your own life.” 


This is what I got from it: 


Loving yourself is not a selfish act but it’s needed. Loving yourself helps you to set boundaries, communicating that boundary, and removing anyone out of your life who crosses that boundary, even after you have stated it. Loving yourself sets the tone for who you invite into your life, who gets a seat at your table. Loving yourself and growing helps you to see what adds value to your wants and needs and what doesn’t; what is for you and what isn’t. Loving yourself helps you to spot red flags and instead of accepting it you stop them from occurring again. An example of a red flag Florence Given stated, was a person who offers “crumbs” in other words “small gestures that people throw us in order to keep us under the illusion that they deserve a place in our lives.” (Page 47) For instance, “dropping back in after a long period of ghosting.” (Page 48) But we don’t deserve crumbs we deserve the whole cake. Therefore, we should find someone who can bring the whole cake, everything that you deserve and more. However, we don’t “need” someone else to give us the cake, we can start from scratch and bake it ourselves. Don’t wait for anyone to give you what you deserve. This is how you avoid relying on other people for your own happiness and settling for less. 


This stood out to me because as a woman I have accepted crumbs in the past. I have spotted red flags, but would ignore them rather than face the problem at hand. I never really set any boundaries for myself and even if I did I wouldn’t stick to it for long. A lot of people who entered my life in the past never really added any value to it. There was really no point of them being there. After reading this chapter it was definitely an eye opener for me that I am truly the love of my own life. I make the rules, I set the tone, I’m in charge. I love myself enough to no longer accept crumbs or accept red flags. I love myself enough to walk away from anything that doesn’t add value to me and focus on the things that will help me to grow and elevate. I love myself enough to set boundaries and stick to them no matter how hard it gets. Setting boundaries shows that you respect yourself and you’re willing to turn away from anyone who doesn’t respect them because they are saying they don’t respect you. 


So do yourself a favour and stop accepting crumbs. Stop accepting the bare minimum. Set the tone for your own happiness. You are the love of your own life! Embrace that! 


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